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How many times do you have a shit per day?
29 March 2011 15:04 Post ID: #128780
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I don't know if this is that unusual, but I normally take around six or seven dumps a day.

My mate reckons he's a once a day man, which I find hard to believe.

Anyone else curling one off six or seven times a day?



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29 March 2011 15:06 Post ID: #128782 - in reply to #128780
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what the fuck you eating man?
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29 March 2011 15:09 Post ID: #128785 - in reply to #128780
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Once a day regular as clockwork at 6.30 am. The only probelm is I don't get up until 7.
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29 March 2011 15:11 Post ID: #128786 - in reply to #128780
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At least twice, if i'm eating a lot of roughage it may be more than that. I have a cousin who can go as long as 8 days without having a crap. Always looks like he's ill though.
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29 March 2011 15:11 Post ID: #128787 - in reply to #128780
Don't take this the wrong way Leazes, but maybe you're more full of shit than the rest of us. (wink)
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29 March 2011 15:13 Post ID: #128789 - in reply to #128780
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women are good at keeping shit in, think wor lass holds the record of a fortnight.
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29 March 2011 15:17 Post ID: #128794 - in reply to #128780
One of my ex-neighbours went for 9 months.
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29 March 2011 15:18 Post ID: #128795 - in reply to #128789
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st-pedros-basin - 29/3/2011 15:13

women are good at keeping shit in, think wor lass holds the record of a fortnight.


My mates ex bird was as bad as that, she was about 7 stone, then the doctor's sorted her out and she turned into this big bird who would eat and eat and eat. He packed her in when she started to finish his dinner for him.
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29 March 2011 15:36 Post ID: #128802 - in reply to #128780
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most days twice, sometimes only once, if i'm out all day then i'll keep it in and have 1 massive shite when i'm home!
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29 March 2011 15:38 Post ID: #128805 - in reply to #128802
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cameron-nufc - 29/3/2011 15:36

most days twice, sometimes only once, if i'm out all day then i'll keep it in and have 1 massive shite when i'm home!


nowt much better than a good dump on your own bog when you get home
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29 March 2011 15:39 Post ID: #128806 - in reply to #128802
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cameron-nufc - 29/3/2011 15:36

most days twice, sometimes only once, if i'm out all day then i'll keep it in and have 1 massive shite when i'm home!


So you can drop it on your toilet seat?
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29 March 2011 15:41 Post ID: #128810 - in reply to #128805
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st-pedros-basin - 29/3/2011 15:38

cameron-nufc - 29/3/2011 15:36

most days twice, sometimes only once, if i'm out all day then i'll keep it in and have 1 massive shite when i'm home!


nowt much better than a good dump on your own bog when you get home


i won't take a dump in anyone else's bog, it doesn't feel right.
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29 March 2011 15:41 Post ID: #128811 - in reply to #128780
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Every couple of days normally but that goes out the window if i hit the guinness
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29 March 2011 15:43 Post ID: #128814 - in reply to #128810
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cameron-nufc - 29/3/2011 15:41

st-pedros-basin - 29/3/2011 15:38

cameron-nufc - 29/3/2011 15:36

most days twice, sometimes only once, if i'm out all day then i'll keep it in and have 1 massive shite when i'm home!


nowt much better than a good dump on your own bog when you get home


i won't take a dump in anyone else's bog, it doesn't feel right.


My mam's, occasionally work and maybe Mcdonalds if I'm caught short.
That's about it
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29 March 2011 15:45 Post ID: #128815 - in reply to #128780
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oh, and the posh over priced gym I used to go to. Used to have a comfortable pre work out shite with my headphones on there.
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29 March 2011 15:49 Post ID: #128818 - in reply to #128780
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I'll go anywhere. When you gotta go, you gotta go.
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29 March 2011 15:59 Post ID: #128823 - in reply to #128780
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I don't have a lot of choice in the matter. Needing to go as often as I do you have to take your chances.

I've had shites in some horrible places, the bog in The Bodega for one.

I also once took a dump out of a hotel window for a giggle. It landed on the canopy over the entrance, which was exactly where I was aiming.
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29 March 2011 16:01 Post ID: #128824 - in reply to #128780
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charming
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29 March 2011 16:16 Post ID: #128830 - in reply to #128780
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I normally go 3 or 4 times a day.....I've had a shit by the side of the Crawcrook/Greenside bypass once, when I almost got caught short.
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29 March 2011 16:24 Post ID: #128833 - in reply to #128780
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bunch of filthy fucker on here. shitting anywhere
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29 March 2011 16:34 Post ID: #128843 - in reply to #128780
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I needed to have that shit there and then, and my mate was in the bog.

It seemed like a good idea at the time, and it makes me laugh just to think about it.

Carlysle Hotel Eastbourne circa 1988/89 is the hotel in question. A few of the lads were working there and being treated like shit. We also stole a large amount of money from the safe and various items from the hotel and I'm not bothered who know it. I'm glad I did it. My only regret is that the shite didn't fall off the canopy and into the (permanaently) open mouth of the harridan owner.
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29 March 2011 16:44 Post ID: #128851 - in reply to #128780
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I seem to average once a day, but I'm not regular time wise. I seem to shit more in the evenings or afternoons, than the usual morning dump most seem to take, although when I go away for long weekends or on holiday I start shitting in the morning.

I could take a newspaper or magazine into the bog, but I'd barely get through the first paragraph before I've got rid of the whole lot. I don't get how people can take forever on the bog.
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29 March 2011 16:55 Post ID: #128856 - in reply to #128780
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Normal routine is once, between 06.45 & 7.15 any deviation causes freaking havoc with my physical state. As above if I'm eating loads of roughage I may have one later. Quite picky about where I go too.
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29 March 2011 17:17 Post ID: #128868 - in reply to #128780
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once at 10.17am on the dot.
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29 March 2011 17:28 Post ID: #128876 - in reply to #128868
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claud_ballz - 29/3/2011 17:17

once at 10.17am on the dot.


you must have a good aim
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29 March 2011 17:33 Post ID: #128879 - in reply to #128876
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st-pedros-basin - 29/3/2011 17:28

claud_ballz - 29/3/2011 17:17

once at 10.17am on the dot.


you must have a good aim


It gets worse when you realise it's his Aunty Dot.
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29 March 2011 17:49 Post ID: #128891 - in reply to #128780
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jesus christ

bring back the wums
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29 March 2011 17:59 Post ID: #128895 - in reply to #128891
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rabit71 - 29/3/2011 17:49



jesus christ

bring back the wums


You definitely don't want the wums wabit. Wor lass was up al neet with them on friday then proceeded to hoy up al ower the bed for good measure. Fucking stank!!
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29 March 2011 18:03 Post ID: #128897 - in reply to #128780
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If there's any more talk of shit on here Pardew will be logging off

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29 March 2011 18:31 Post ID: #128908 - in reply to #128895
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decka - 29/3/2011 17:59

rabit71 - 29/3/2011 17:49



jesus christ

bring back the wums


You definitely don't want the wums wabit. Wor lass was up al neet with them on friday then proceeded to hoy up al ower the bed for good measure. Fucking stank!!


BOOM BOOM
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29 March 2011 18:41 Post ID: #128913 - in reply to #128780
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To be honest I always enjoy tails of the unexpected turd.

I'm a fairly regular fella. Once in the morning normally, at about 6.30-7 and then again at 6 when I get in. Sometimes in between or after depending on the diet.

I almost posted something this morning but haven't had time yet.

I had a hasty visit to the bogs at work because I was running late this morning. Got in and had to make a dash. There was going to be serious eruptions so I tried to hold back out of courtesy because of the bloke in the other trap who sounded like he was finishing up.

Almost ready to go I waited for the flush, which followed. BUT over the noise of the water, I made out approximately four lengthy roll pulls and some serious scrubbing, and I was getting a bit desperate. No flush, no movement, and another roll pull. So I waited...
After the next one, I started counting and I 'shit' you not, he made another 11 tugs at the roll followed by frantic scrubbing before finally flushing. He must have been raw.

Who does that?
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29 March 2011 18:43 Post ID: #128915 - in reply to #128897
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decka - 29/3/2011 18:03

If there's any more talk of shit on here Pardew will be logging off

:19:


More like logging on. It is his specialist subject after all.

Too much logging and shite talk for sure.
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29 March 2011 18:43 Post ID: #128916 - in reply to #128780
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I've had a count up on the number I've had snce midnight last night.

One at work around 00.15am

Another one at work around 2am

One before I left work at 6am

One when I got up outta bed around 2pm.

Just been for another one now.

I'm on five already and I've not had my dinner yet.

It's looking like a seven, or even an eight is on the cards.


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29 March 2011 18:47 Post ID: #128917 - in reply to #128780
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My mate told me a similar tale after he used his work crapper, some bloke scrubbed "like he was doing a stone floor" He actually came out of work and asked his bird if this was normal.
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29 March 2011 18:49 Post ID: #128918 - in reply to #128913
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bowburnmag - 29/3/2011 18:41

To be honest I always enjoy tails of the unexpected turd.

I'm a fairly regular fella. Once in the morning normally, at about 6.30-7 and then again at 6 when I get in. Sometimes in between or after depending on the diet.

I almost posted something this morning but haven't had time yet.

I had a hasty visit to the bogs at work because I was running late this morning. Got in and had to make a dash. There was going to be serious eruptions so I tried to hold back out of courtesy because of the bloke in the other trap who sounded like he was finishing up.

Almost ready to go I waited for the flush, which followed. BUT over the noise of the water, I made out approximately four lengthy roll pulls and some serious scrubbing, and I was getting a bit desperate. No flush, no movement, and another roll pull. So I waited...
After the next one, I started counting and I 'shit' you not, he made another 11 tugs at the roll followed by frantic scrubbing before finally flushing. He must have been raw.

Who does that?


*holds hand up*

Though that's taking it to extreme lengths, but if you've got a hairy arse, and your diet hasn't been the best over a day or two, sometimes it takes a few wipes. 15 tugs at the roll must be some sort of record though. That must be more than half a roll.

I've shoved so much bog roll down at times trying to clean my chute properly that the flush has filled the bowl. It's a tricky situation. It doesn't help that I sometimes deposit monsters. I've done at least 3 anaconda's and a fully grown python.
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29 March 2011 18:52 Post ID: #128920 - in reply to #128780
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I guess part of me expects he might have used several to clean the pan but that doesn't make my story quite as impressive.
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29 March 2011 18:54 Post ID: #128924 - in reply to #128780
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Also, in keeping with OL's story. When we'd just finished doing our GCSEs we headed up the Northumberland coast to go camping. Bored after drinking warm cider, splashing about in the pools and with nowt better to do, we invented the game 'shitting off a cliff'.

It had many levels and a complex scoring system. However, I won with my 5am offering which was witnessed by a passing cruiseliner and several bewildered sheep. I also nearly died.

But I'm still here and I'm still the champ!
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29 March 2011 18:57 Post ID: #128926 - in reply to #128918
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Platinii - 29/3/2011 18:49

bowburnmag - 29/3/2011 18:41

To be honest I always enjoy tails of the unexpected turd.

I'm a fairly regular fella. Once in the morning normally, at about 6.30-7 and then again at 6 when I get in. Sometimes in between or after depending on the diet.

I almost posted something this morning but haven't had time yet.

I had a hasty visit to the bogs at work because I was running late this morning. Got in and had to make a dash. There was going to be serious eruptions so I tried to hold back out of courtesy because of the bloke in the other trap who sounded like he was finishing up.

Almost ready to go I waited for the flush, which followed. BUT over the noise of the water, I made out approximately four lengthy roll pulls and some serious scrubbing, and I was getting a bit desperate. No flush, no movement, and another roll pull. So I waited...
After the next one, I started counting and I 'shit' you not, he made another 11 tugs at the roll followed by frantic scrubbing before finally flushing. He must have been raw.

Who does that?


*holds hand up*

Though that's taking it to extreme lengths, but if you've got a hairy arse, and your diet hasn't been the best over a day or two, sometimes it takes a few wipes. 15 tugs at the roll must be some sort of record though. That must be more than half a roll.

I've shoved so much bog roll down at times trying to clean my chute properly that the flush has filled the bowl. It's a tricky situation. It doesn't help that I sometimes deposit monsters. I've done at least 3 anaconda's and a fully grown python.


Wet wipes mate or baby wipes, we always keep a few packets in the throne room. Cleanliness is next to godliness.
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29 March 2011 18:58 Post ID: #128928 - in reply to #128780
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Or shave your arse.

Stops the sweats as well.

Apparently.
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29 March 2011 19:13 Post ID: #128937 - in reply to #128780
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I also admit to using a massive amount of bog roll. Normally I wind it round and round my hand until it looks like a white boxing glove then set to work. It usually takes a couple of those, followed by a few smaller pieces for the precision work. I can easily go through a family pack of Andrex in a week.

Wet wipes tend to leave my arse stinging, particularly when dealing with the aftermath of a "ring stinger".

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