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Mucky jokes
06 June 2017 21:27 Post ID: #480256
First Team Regular
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Heard this one yesterday, not heard it for years. Please share a mucky joke.

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single-file line." And they do so. St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her "Sister, have you ever touched a penis?" The Sister Responds "Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger..." St. Peter says "Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted." and she did so. St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says "Sister, have you ever touched a penis?" "Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment..." "Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted" and she does so. Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun "Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!" Sister Susan responds "Well if I'm going to have to gargle this stuff, I'd rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!"
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06 June 2017 21:45 Post ID: #480258 - in reply to #480256
First Team Regular
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Another old one

A guy was standing in a bar when a stranger walks in. After a while they get to talking and at about 10:30 PM the second guy says, "Oh well,I better get home.My wife doesn't like me to stay out during late night." The first guy replies, "I'll help you out of this. Just do what I say. Go home. Sneak into the bedroom. Pull back the covers. Get down between her legs then lick, lick and lick for about 20 minutes and there will be no complaints in the morning." The guy agrees to try that and continues drinking with him for two more hours before heading home to give it a try. When he got home, the house was pitch black. He sneaks upstairs into the bedroom, pulled back the covers and proceeded to lick for 20 minutes. The bed was like a swamp so he decided to wash his face. As he walked into the bathroom, his wife was sitting on the toilet. Seeing her he screamed, "What the hell are you doing in here?!" "Quiet!", she exclaimed. "You'll wake my mother."
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07 June 2017 06:57 Post ID: #480266 - in reply to #480256
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Excellent had me really chortling.
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07 June 2017 21:17 Post ID: #480272 - in reply to #480256
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Carlos, you've made an enormous number of folk laugh where I work today with joke #1.
None of us had heard it before (we're a peculiar bunch).
Many thanks.
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08 June 2017 17:02 Post ID: #480292 - in reply to #480256
Club Legend
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I went into a sex shop,

"Excuse me, " I asked, "have you got a massive dildo?"

"Yes sir, " the assistant said and showed me a massive black dildo. "Shall I wrap if for you sir? he asked.

"No, " I replied, "but if you don't mind would you shove it up my arse as far as it will go, I've been thinking about voting Labour and I need a reminder of what's likely to happen if they win. "
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09 June 2017 08:32 Post ID: #480317 - in reply to #480256
Academy
100
CM.




Publicly anal gaping in the creepiest Crawley - coming soon!
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10 June 2017 01:03 Post ID: #480357 - in reply to #480256
A man approaches a young woman in a shop. He says I can’t find my wife, can I talk to you for a few minutes?

The woman says sure, but do you have any idea where your wife is?

Not a clue he says but whenever I talk to a woman with tits like yours she appears out of fucking nowhere!
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