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A Tale From The Dark Side...
23 June 2015 12:35 Post ID: #460190
Reserve Team Bench
500100100
It must be admitted, I own a dog. Not a small, easily cared for type, but a bloody great brown job, the walking of which has been my sole enjoyment of late. See my other post for reasons, I'll not bore you with repetition.

Now we cover a fair few miles a day and consequently, we're both looking leaner and fitter than in a long time. That, and the necessarily parsimonious food provision have been good for us. Every cloud, as they say, has a silver lining.

Footwear, though, has become an issue. Distance like we do destroys ordinary trainers in a jiffy. I, unless I'm happy to hobble, need a good sturdy pair of walking shoes. The trouble is, my three year old pair have long since reached the end of the line: proofness against moisture stopped being an issue many moons ago. Resistance to sharp stabbing agonies through the soles is all but forgotten. In plain and simple truth, I need a new pair or I'm going to need new feet.

When you're skint, the last expense you need to face is a new pair of what are, to all intents and purposes, 'leisure shoes'. So I set about perusing discount websites. This elicited various exclamations of the, "Jesus Christ!" variety. Price, it would appear, was going to be a hurdle upon which I would fall down. So a dark and dreadful plan began to form unconsciously in my mind. I'd heard of a place a desperate man such as myself could go...

Round here, my affections for NUFC and my opinions of its owner are well known. Should I enter into one of his emporia and make a purchase, my humiliation and degradation before my peers would be complete. My hypocrisy would be exposed for all to see. Yet, I'd heard rumours of prices on goods even I could afford.

I girded my loins, waited for an opportune moment when nobody I knew was in sight, and I slunk in...

I stood before a wall where, emblazoned upon many an example of potential long distance footware was the once-noble name 'Karrimor', and, truth to tell, I felt temptation...

I recalled a fine rucsack that I'd backpacked around Europe with in my youth. That had lasted years, camping trip upon camping trip. Karrimor meant quality to my younger self. Could it still impress?

I picked up the shoe and turned it in my hand. I noted the imitation 'Vibram' sole, felt the cheapness of the upper's suede and mused on how many rocks that pathetic rind would withstand.

And suddenly, the revelation was complete! This shoddy, cut price item was the living embodiment of what The Foul Beast had wreaked upon our Club. I could not buy that item, even to tide me over the relatively less punishing summer. I dropped the item, turned slowly and with my head held high, I exited the shop. My integrity (almost) complete...
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23 June 2015 18:50 Post ID: #460206 - in reply to #460190
First Team Regular
2000100025
I was really hoping that story was going to end with you curling one out in the changing rooms, if the fat cunt actually puts changing rooms in there. Close to the edge Harry son, close to the edge.
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23 June 2015 20:12 Post ID: #460208 - in reply to #460190
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It was, young Paul, very close to the edge... You've given me an idea, though...
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23 June 2015 20:24 Post ID: #460210 - in reply to #460190
Star Player
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I would rather walk around barefoot than give the fat cunt a single penny.
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23 June 2015 20:30 Post ID: #460211 - in reply to #460190
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Precisely...
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24 June 2015 03:14 Post ID: #460222 - in reply to #460190
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I've always been steady when it comes to footwear. I've a pair of Clarkes for every day standard bullshit. A pair of caterpillar for the winter, some old but still smart Oliver Sweeney tan boots for going out and some diadora trainers I purchased from a store not unlike Sports Direct but not them.

It gets me through the year.

I often feel sick thinking back to the heady days of the mid to late naughties. How much I squandered.

The simple fact is that any product made now which existed before is going to be made poorly. The science of profit margins is king now. Fuck quality.

Our only option is to either be a martyr and refrain or sell our souls and buy into the cheap tack which the future deems relevant.

This whole concept can easily be copied over to what NUFC is now. You have a very good point Harry..
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24 June 2015 23:50 Post ID: #460255 - in reply to #460190
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I think so...

Point is, you have to pay for actual performance: in my case, for what I expect a pair of shoes to do... And like you, Odin, I have a specifically small number of pairs; our football analogy should not be lost on Mr FB. The place you get them has to be reputable; again, we see a clear connection. Nothing wrong with value for money...

The delight of Ashley offloading Carroll for £35 million! As my kids might capitalise, 'The Best Day Ever'.

But even now, we know that tv appearance was a mere dangling of the carrot. He should have just said, "Get a season ticket now". Pathetic wretch.

Get ready for the 'Where's Wally' chants...
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25 June 2015 11:55 Post ID: #460274 - in reply to #460190
First Team Regular
20002000100100252525
McClarens slowly starting to find out how poisonous it is at the SDA. He can't get the coaches he wants and he'll have similar problems with players. I think the `wally with the brolly' could' be pretty tame to what lies ahead for him, particularly as the vast majority of the press are pissed off with the club already.
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25 June 2015 12:05 Post ID: #460275 - in reply to #460190
First Team Regular
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Sum it up well as usual Vin, you get what you sow in this world.

Ashley has made the club a joke under his tenure.

Nobody wants to be involved with it, yet, people go......
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25 June 2015 12:10 Post ID: #460276 - in reply to #460190
First Team Regular
20001000
I have a worse tale Harry, one the curdles the blood in the telling. With guests and family round one day, and most of the dishes hacky dirty, I found at the back of the cup cupboard, one of those geet big 'S***** D****t' mugs. You know the ones, about a pint and half capacity, for greedy fat fuckas who never do any sport, but they come free with a shitty pair of jogging bottoms. After threats, interrogation, some screaming, a lot of swearing and almost getting solicitors involved, the wife finally confessed to getting stuff for the kids 'BECAUSE IT WAS CHEAPER'! Let's just say she wont be doing it again. I am sorry, and will take my punishment like a man. If it is a banishment for life, so be it.

I hang my head in shame and put myself at the mercy of the TOITT court.
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25 June 2015 12:25 Post ID: #460277 - in reply to #460190
First Team Regular
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You should make your wife drink a full mug of your piss from it. She'll certainly get the message then.
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25 June 2015 19:39 Post ID: #460289 - in reply to #460190
Reserve Team Bench
500100100
Shite, Manx... Is she still breathing? They are, however, everywhere. Been struggling as a temp until recently, Seen them in every work cupboard wherever I have been. Your tale has told me what to do...

I do herewith promise to purloin every one of the fu**kers I come across and summarily destroy them. Never seen anyone drinking out of them anyway.

Hope everyone else takes up the clarion call.

From acorns...
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26 June 2015 09:13 Post ID: #460311 - in reply to #460190
First Team Regular
2000200025
You'd be better off wearing a plastic bag on each foot mate rather than wearing SD shoes. They reckon the people who make them in Bangkok wont wear them they are that shite.
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26 June 2015 10:54 Post ID: #460315 - in reply to #460190
Reserve Team Bench
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That was the immediate conclusion I came to, when I turned them over in my hand, Billy. I think the point of my little story could be that Mr FB is a bit like King Midas. In Midas' case everything he touched turned to gold but was ultimately useless. FB touches it, he gets gold - But everybody else gets shite.
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26 June 2015 12:23 Post ID: #460317 - in reply to #460190
First Team Regular
2000200025
Well mate lets hope he turns his helicopter to gold and it falls out the sky and fatty is the only fatality.
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26 June 2015 13:04 Post ID: #460318 - in reply to #460190
50005000100100
Get yourself a pair of barbour boots from he outlet place at south shields.£180 boots for £49 and its the best money ive ever spent on footwear.Absolutely fooking rock solid
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26 June 2015 19:47 Post ID: #460322 - in reply to #460190
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I've always meant to have a dekko there. Cheers for the reminder, PM.

I've always wondered about that helicopter. It has always given me some hope cos its a bloody risky way to travel...
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26 June 2015 21:09 Post ID: #460327 - in reply to #460190
First Team Regular
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Aye mate if i were worth £4bn i wouldn't be travelling by helicopter.
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