UK time is: 00:09:19
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Transfer Policy Documents Leaked





2011 will see an extension of the previous 6 transfer windows strategies. Namely, profit.

This summer will require extraordinary powers of bluff and bluster to ensure we can manage to September with the Andy Carroll money still completely intact.

PHASE 1

(a) The first approach will be a batch of early summer signings to give the illusion we are actively in the market. This will ensure we coax those few thousand season ticket holders who were doubters to give us a load of their hard earned.

(b) Two of the early signings will be free's, whilst the one signing of any substance will immediately be offset by selling a high wage earner for a similar fee. Result.

(c) Distraction and spin is a must if we are to achieve this mission. Firstly we need to have a bigger U turn than an oil tanker, and spread the word that Agents fees and signing on fees are MASSIVE, even though we swore blind we wouldn't pay over the odds some months back.



PHASE 2

(d) In early July we will have made all our purchases, but we will be selling players on a fortnightly basis. I believe Del has the excuse list database to hand for this task. Start off with the classics and work down the list;

'We felt it was the right opportunity for the boy to move on'

He didn't want to sign a new contract'

We couldn't agree terms that were amicable for the club'

We couldn't guarantee first team football'

Alan thinks we are moving in a different direction from what he can offer'

We already have enough cover in this position'

'We will have a replacement to come in'

(e) Searches for strikers and midfielders must fall under one or more of the following categories;

(i) The player must NOT want to come here.

(ii) The players fee must be unaffordable

(iii) The player must be flakey and have an unreliable injury record.

(iv) The players agent must difficult to deal with and enjoy extremely protracted contract discussions that end in no deal.

It is of major importance that only players who WILL NOT be signed are targeted.



(f) Mid July through to mid August will be tougher, as we'll need to blag the entire period off.

Start with Operation 'Stepping up approach for a striker'.

Followed by Operation 'Pretend to keep the Bull' then

Operation 'Perch is a great all-rounder'

*Sell Routledge at this point*

Operation 'We wish him all the Bestie'

Keep in constant drip-feed contact with the jelly for a spine local media. We know they are so desperate for a story they'll be prepared to feed off our scraps rather than question anything we say or do. This should see us through to the start of the season when the distraction of a full stadium and early season expectations should be enough to keep the problem people quiet.

PHASE 3 - The season starts

A run of stories in the week prior;

'We are collectively together'

We can't wait to get started'

The lahhds are raring to go'

We're aiming high'

*Arsenal game'

'We was anlucky'

They is a top top team'

*Need a picture of Pards holding his hands up*

Keep the momentum going into the last two weeks with conenctions to;

N'Zogbia for 7million (Fee and agents fees to high)

oodgate (Even if he's already gone somewhere)

hris Kiwomya for 1.5million (Failed medical)

messi for 168million (Doesn't want to come)

Ronaldinho for 7.2mill (Deal collapses last minute)



hat should be enough to see us through to Sept 1st.

Bish bosh bash job's a good 'un. 35mill from January + 10mill from Summer... Lahvly.

Roll on January.

BELIEVE?!?!?!

Read more: http://www.newcastle.vitalfootball.co.uk/forum/forums/thread-view.asp?tid=12388&posts=5#ixzz1Rsk2LfB7




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Platinii Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Tuesday July 12 2011

Time: 10:32AM

Your Comments

Not bad Plats, the quotes and spin above are strangely familiar sounding
jiggystoon
Top banter. As a Villa fan I feel your pain!
Timmsy
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Newcastle United Articles

Injury Boost Causes Pardew Headache (Tuesday November 25 2014)

Taylor's Career Not Off The Rayls (Monday November 24 2014)

Kids Continue To Prosper (Monday November 24 2014)

NUFC v QPR Match Preview and Thread (Saturday November 22 2014)

Campbell Joins Hartlepool (Friday November 21 2014)

Another Youngster Joins The Squad (Friday November 21 2014)

Draw Completes The Dreaded Outcome (Thursday November 20 2014)

Lost In Translation (Wednesday November 19 2014)

Gutierrez Joins The PR Campaign (Sunday November 16 2014)

Archived Newcastle United Articles

List All TOTT Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

1. PieMag 242
2. BLACKBOB 27 237
3. Toon_NoMatterWot 211
4. OldLeazes 206
5. officemonkey 145
6. thecorner 105
7. McCreery 93
8. Odin 82
9. carlosvendetta 73
10. Rytoon 69

League Results (view all)

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
2. Southampton 12 8 2 2 18 26
3. Man City 12 7 3 2 11 24
4. Man Utd 12 5 4 3 4 19
5. Newcastle 12 5 4 3 -1 19
6. West Ham 12 5 3 4 4 18
7. Swansea 12 5 3 4 3 18
8. Arsenal 12 4 5 3 5 17

Breaking League News

Match Analysis: Manchester City 2-1 Swansea City
Swansea : 25/11/2014 22:15:00
Injury Boost Causes Pardew Headache
Newcastle : 25/11/2014 21:58:00
Man City : 25/11/2014 21:36:00
Mixed Diame And Lenihan Injury News
Hull City : 25/11/2014 20:07:00
Robertson Attracting Interest
Hull City : 25/11/2014 20:05:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Where do you think NUFC will finish this season?
Suggested By:  Talk of the Tyne
Top 5%
Top 4 3%
Europa league places 18%
Mid table 46%
Relegated 28%