Vital Football

Latest Newcastle United News

Transfer Policy Documents Leaked

Transfer Policy Documents Leaked





2011 will see an extension of the previous 6 transfer windows strategies. Namely, profit.

This summer will require extraordinary powers of bluff and bluster to ensure we can manage to September with the Andy Carroll money still completely intact.

PHASE 1

(a) The first approach will be a batch of early summer signings to give the illusion we are actively in the market. This will ensure we coax those few thousand season ticket holders who were doubters to give us a load of their hard earned.

(b) Two of the early signings will be free's, whilst the one signing of any substance will immediately be offset by selling a high wage earner for a similar fee. Result.

(c) Distraction and spin is a must if we are to achieve this mission. Firstly we need to have a bigger U turn than an oil tanker, and spread the word that Agents fees and signing on fees are MASSIVE, even though we swore blind we wouldn't pay over the odds some months back.



PHASE 2

(d) In early July we will have made all our purchases, but we will be selling players on a fortnightly basis. I believe Del has the excuse list database to hand for this task. Start off with the classics and work down the list;

'We felt it was the right opportunity for the boy to move on'

He didn't want to sign a new contract'

We couldn't agree terms that were amicable for the club'

We couldn't guarantee first team football'

Alan thinks we are moving in a different direction from what he can offer'

We already have enough cover in this position'

'We will have a replacement to come in'

(e) Searches for strikers and midfielders must fall under one or more of the following categories;

(i) The player must NOT want to come here.

(ii) The players fee must be unaffordable

(iii) The player must be flakey and have an unreliable injury record.

(iv) The players agent must difficult to deal with and enjoy extremely protracted contract discussions that end in no deal.

It is of major importance that only players who WILL NOT be signed are targeted.



(f) Mid July through to mid August will be tougher, as we'll need to blag the entire period off.

Start with Operation 'Stepping up approach for a striker'.

Followed by Operation 'Pretend to keep the Bull' then

Operation 'Perch is a great all-rounder'

*Sell Routledge at this point*

Operation 'We wish him all the Bestie'

Keep in constant drip-feed contact with the jelly for a spine local media. We know they are so desperate for a story they'll be prepared to feed off our scraps rather than question anything we say or do. This should see us through to the start of the season when the distraction of a full stadium and early season expectations should be enough to keep the problem people quiet.

PHASE 3 - The season starts

A run of stories in the week prior;

'We are collectively together'

We can't wait to get started'

The lahhds are raring to go'

We're aiming high'

*Arsenal game'

'We was anlucky'

They is a top top team'

*Need a picture of Pards holding his hands up*

Keep the momentum going into the last two weeks with conenctions to;

N'Zogbia for £7million (Fee and agents fees to high)

oodgate (Even if he's already gone somewhere)

hris Kiwomya for £1.5million (Failed medical)

messi for £168million (Doesn't want to come)

Ronaldinho for £7.2mill (Deal collapses last minute)



hat should be enough to see us through to Sept 1st.

Bish bosh bash job's a good 'un. £35mill from January + £10mill from Summer... Lahvly.

Roll on January.

BELIEVE?!?!?!

Read more: http://www.newcastle.vitalfootball.co.uk/forum/forums/thread-view.asp?tid=12388&posts=5#ixzz1Rsk2LfB7



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Platinii
Date:Tuesday July 12 2011
Time: 10:32AM

Comments

0
Not bad Plats, the quotes and spin above are strangely familiar sounding
jiggystoon
13/07/2011 05:58:00
0
Top banter. As a Villa fan I feel your pain!
Timmsy
14/07/2011 16:45:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Newcastle United Articles

Forgotton Star Frustrated

Haidara has admitted that he is frustrated with his role here at the club.

EFL Cup To Fast Track Video Assistance?

It's been reported this week that the Football Association could now fast track video assistant referee help for match day officials in the League Cup.

Match Day Officials v Wigan (1/4/17)

The Football League have now announced the Match Day officials that will take charge of the game against Wigan Athletic this Saturday.

Rafa's Future Up For Discussion Again

Aside from the usual guesswork by papers trying to fill the pages in an international break.

Archived TOTT Articles

TOTT articles from

Site Journalists

TNMW
Editor email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

Birmingham MotM
Suggested By:
Darlow8%
Anita0%
Hanley7%
Lascelles0%
Dummett3%
Ritchie34%
Diame3%
Colback38%
Gouffran0%
Perez0%
Murphy7%
Sub-Gayle0%
Sub-Shelvey0%
Sub-Atsu0%
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Newcastle 38 24 6 8 78 38
2 Brighton 38 23 8 7 77 30
3 Huddersfield 37 22 5 10 71 4
4 Leeds Utd 38 21 6 11 69 16
5 Reading 38 20 7 11 67 2
6 Sheff Wed 38 18 8 12 62 9
7 Fulham 38 16 13 9 61 19
8 Norwich 38 16 9 13 57 9
9 Preston 38 15 12 11 57 6
10 Derby County 38 14 11 13 53 3
11 Barnsley 38 14 9 15 51 0
12 Aston Villa 38 13 12 13 51 0
13 Cardiff 38 14 9 15 51 -1
14 Brentford 38 14 8 16 50 3
15 Q.P.R. 38 14 8 16 50 -5
16 Wolves 37 12 9 16 45 -2
17 Ipswich 38 10 15 13 45 -9
18 Birmingham 38 11 12 15 45 -16
19 Bristol City 38 11 8 19 41 -3
20 Forest 38 11 8 19 41 -11
21 Burton 38 10 11 17 41 -14
22 Blackburn 38 9 13 16 40 -11
23 Wigan 38 8 10 20 34 -13
24 Rotherham 38 4 5 29 17 -54
Vital Football Comment
Latest F1 News
Latest Vital Boxing News
Write for Vital Football

Recent Newcastle United Results (view all)

Newcastle United Fixtures (view all)

Apr 1 2017 3:00PM : Wigan Athletic (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 5 2017 7:45PM : Burton Albion (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 8 2017 5:30PM : Sheffield Wednesday (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 14 2017 7:45PM : Leeds United (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 17 2017 3:00PM : Ipswich Town (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 24 2017 7:45PM : Preston North End (H)
Sky Bet Championship

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.CuckFan180
2.Toon_NoMatterWot143
3.PieMag69
4.keggy_keagal50
5.Mcnamee6748
6.The Pyrry32
7.Finn_the_Dog30
8.Neppos30
9.billybobcat27
10.McCreery23
The Vital Football Members League