(Made Up) News Of The World
The News Of the World 'journalists' have outdone themselves once more... Full page headline implying two Newcastle players involved in sex and drugs shame. The actual story printed inside revolved around two slappers getting coked up and dealt with accordingly. I think these two lovely ladies need to get new camera phones because the photos looked like they were knocked up on Etchasketch by a semi-talented juvinile. The event that really took place was that Andy Carroll took full advantage of what was put on a plate in front of him... I would like to think he made them do the housework before ejecting them into your open, cash laden arms, but I doubt it.
This surely isn't journalism, it's absolute tripe and if the news of the world provide wages to short story tellers they should be ashamed of themselves. Well done for giving the two tramps in question a few bob to give you the scoop of the year. Should keep them in fake tan and illicit drugs for a good few weeks, and maybe a couple of drinks on their search for the next unwitting player unlucky enough to enter their radar.
Trading Standards should contact you in relation to the Trade Descriptions Act and insist that you to rename your paper to a more appropriate title... Tramps, twaddle and sordid fabrications. Luckily I don't usually read this paper as my brain is present and in working order. If two slack alices want to take drugs and offer themselves up to a professional footballer (or anyone else for that matter) it is entirely up to them, but to even consider that this could be front page (fabricated) news for a 'national tabloid' is a damning endictment of your rag. The Daily Sport provides more credible news stories presented with humour. Anyone reading your full page headline without reading your news paper would be lead to believe that Andrew Carroll and Kevin Nolan are drug takers. I would assume that the only person other than the two girls on drugs is the person responsible for allowing this to be published. If conning people into purchasing your newspapers and reading past the front page, then that should tell you something.
Many thanks for providing just a little more motivation for Newcastle United in their defeat of the beloved Arsenal. I look forward to the next installment of 'SHOCK HORROR' single premiership footballer enters a house with a woman and may/may not have had sexual relations along with conclusive 'photos' that show blurred figures and other damning scenes that could in fact be anyone or anywhere.
The only shame that should be attributed to this article is your corporation and the two girls involved... Unfortunately you chose to not only conceal their identity but reward them for their actions... I wouldn't be surprised if you issued them with another sordid assignment. Bravo. If you had any decency you would print names and mug shots so that their family can see what they have produced.
Many thanks for your time and motivational skills.