UK time is: 02:58:11
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Proposed Handicapping System - vs Man Utd

Because Man Utd have scored 11 goals in their last 2 games against NUFC, Premier League chiefs have decided that the following changes must be adhered to for the live game on Sunday...

1. Ferguson to limit his pre-match intake to only a single bottle of red. He only manages well when he's drunk (like Bill Werbenuick, Alex Higgins etc)

2. The Old Trafford crowd are to be limited to locals only - so the place will be deserted.

3. Michael Carrick must play for his home town club. And he must try his best.

4. Rio Ferdinand to have coke and hookers before the game.

5. Van der Saar must play the entire game within the 6 yard box. If the ball comes his way he is allowed to watch it go over the bar and then retrieve it for the Man Utd goalkick etc.

6. Ronaldo to make a special half time appearance in his new Real Madrid shirt, just to wind up the referee, who can't be from London.

7. Newcastle are allowed to play with 12 players, as we have nowhere to fit Alan Smith but he is good to have on the park to kick people and fetch the ball.

8. Also, we can't decide on Shay or Steve Harper, so have decided to play them both - with the new extra large gloves.

9. Man UTD Players not allowed to touch the ball for the first 10 minutes.

10. We get kick off and it's first goal winner.

With all of the above, we might stand a chance on Sunday.

Here's to a hopeful season!!




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Zinchead Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday August 15 2008

Time: 10:55PM

Your Comments

lol, good luck!!!!
The Fear
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Newcastle United Articles

Santon Injury Blow (Thursday August 21 2014)

de Jong Expected To Make Debut (Thursday August 21 2014)

Liam Sweeney Funeral Attended By Many (Thursday August 21 2014)

Funeral For Liam Later Today. (Thursday August 21 2014)

Ashley Continues To Sell The NUFC Soul (Wednesday August 20 2014)

Man City Double Swoop Unlikely (Tuesday August 19 2014)

NUFC Cracks Papered Over (Tuesday August 19 2014)

Toon Kids Play Out Draw (Monday August 18 2014)

Why Mike Ashley Wont Be Selling NUFC (Monday August 18 2014)

NUFC Player Ratings (Sunday August 17 2014)

Archived Newcastle United Articles

List All TOTT Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

1. Toon_NoMatterWot 241
2. AMac 196
3. Rexn 172
4. OldLeazes 105
5. Wilco 100
6. nufc_carl88 76
7. billybobcat 71
8. officemonkey 63
9. vin1892 63
10. thecorner 54

League Results (view all)

Latest Results
Newcastle 0 - 2 Man City

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
14. Man Utd 1 0 0 1 -1 0
15. Southampton 1 0 0 1 -1 0
16. Q.P.R. 1 0 0 1 -1 0
17. Stoke 1 0 0 1 -1 0
18. West Ham 1 0 0 1 -1 0
19. Burnley 1 0 0 1 -2 0
20. Newcastle 1 0 0 1 -2 0

Breaking League News

Santon Injury Blow
Newcastle : 21/08/2014 23:18:00
de Jong Expected To Make Debut
Newcastle : 21/08/2014 23:11:00
Hull City : 21/08/2014 21:53:00
Hammers seek Belgian Defender
West Ham : 21/08/2014 18:40:00
What if we bought Pogba?
Chelsea : 21/08/2014 18:30:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Where do you think NUFC will finish this season?
Suggested By:  Talk of the Tyne
Top 2%
Top 4 6%
Europa league places 31%
Mid table 51%
Relegated 10%