UK time is: 21:32:12
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Proposed Handicapping System - vs Man Utd

Because Man Utd have scored 11 goals in their last 2 games against NUFC, Premier League chiefs have decided that the following changes must be adhered to for the live game on Sunday...

1. Ferguson to limit his pre-match intake to only a single bottle of red. He only manages well when he's drunk (like Bill Werbenuick, Alex Higgins etc)

2. The Old Trafford crowd are to be limited to locals only - so the place will be deserted.

3. Michael Carrick must play for his home town club. And he must try his best.

4. Rio Ferdinand to have coke and hookers before the game.

5. Van der Saar must play the entire game within the 6 yard box. If the ball comes his way he is allowed to watch it go over the bar and then retrieve it for the Man Utd goalkick etc.

6. Ronaldo to make a special half time appearance in his new Real Madrid shirt, just to wind up the referee, who can't be from London.

7. Newcastle are allowed to play with 12 players, as we have nowhere to fit Alan Smith but he is good to have on the park to kick people and fetch the ball.

8. Also, we can't decide on Shay or Steve Harper, so have decided to play them both - with the new extra large gloves.

9. Man UTD Players not allowed to touch the ball for the first 10 minutes.

10. We get kick off and it's first goal winner.

With all of the above, we might stand a chance on Sunday.

Here's to a hopeful season!!




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Zinchead Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday August 15 2008

Time: 10:55PM

Your Comments

lol, good luck!!!!
The Fear
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Newcastle United Articles

'Run Geordie Run' Around The World (Wednesday October 22 2014)

Sir Bobby Auction Update (Tuesday October 21 2014)

Are We For Real? (Tuesday October 21 2014)

Not Long For de Jong (Monday October 20 2014)

Aside From The PR (Sunday October 19 2014)

Ashley And The Modern Day Monopoly (Sunday October 19 2014)

Probable NUFC Line Up (Friday October 17 2014)

Reality Ahead of PR (Friday October 17 2014)

Sir Bobby Auction Update (Thursday October 16 2014)

Archived Newcastle United Articles

List All TOTT Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

1. BLACKBOB 27 183
2. Toon_NoMatterWot 118
3. thecorner 108
4. PieMag 102
5. Wilco 91
6. OldLeazes 85
7. officemonkey 75
8. Pellet 67
9. McCreery 50
10. Bruce68 41

League Results (view all)

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
14. WBA 8 2 3 3 -1 9
15. Leicester City 8 2 3 3 -2 9
16. Crystal Palace 8 2 2 4 -3 8
17. Sunderland 8 1 5 2 -7 8
18. Newcastle 8 1 4 3 -6 7
19. Burnley 8 0 4 4 -9 4
20. Q.P.R. 8 1 1 6 -12 4

Breaking League News

Liverpool: Lawro Predicts 2014-15 - Hull (Home)
Liverpool : 24/10/2014 20:00:00
Villa to Sign Cleverley in January!
Man Utd : 24/10/2014 18:43:00
Pearson On Competition & Swansea Threat
Leicester City : 24/10/2014 18:31:00
Pellegrini Expecting Tough West Ham Test
Man City : 24/10/2014 18:17:00
Van Gaal on Chelsea and Mourinho!
Man Utd : 24/10/2014 18:16:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Where do you think NUFC will finish this season?
Suggested By:  Talk of the Tyne
Top 4%
Top 4 3%
Europa league places 16%
Mid table 47%
Relegated 30%