Vital Football

Latest Newcastle United News

Proposed Handicapping System - vs Man Utd

Proposed Handicapping System - vs Man Utd

Because Man Utd have scored 11 goals in their last 2 games against NUFC, Premier League chiefs have decided that the following changes must be adhered to for the live game on Sunday...

1. Ferguson to limit his pre-match intake to only a single bottle of red. He only manages well when he's drunk (like Bill Werbenuick, Alex Higgins etc)

2. The Old Trafford crowd are to be limited to locals only - so the place will be deserted.

3. Michael Carrick must play for his home town club. And he must try his best.

4. Rio Ferdinand to have coke and hookers before the game.

5. Van der Saar must play the entire game within the 6 yard box. If the ball comes his way he is allowed to watch it go over the bar and then retrieve it for the Man Utd goalkick etc.

6. Ronaldo to make a special half time appearance in his new Real Madrid shirt, just to wind up the referee, who can't be from London.

7. Newcastle are allowed to play with 12 players, as we have nowhere to fit Alan Smith but he is good to have on the park to kick people and fetch the ball.

8. Also, we can't decide on Shay or Steve Harper, so have decided to play them both - with the new extra large gloves.

9. Man UTD Players not allowed to touch the ball for the first 10 minutes.

10. We get kick off and it's first goal winner.

With all of the above, we might stand a chance on Sunday.

Here's to a hopeful season!!

Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Date:Friday August 15 2008
Time: 10:55PM


lol, good luck!!!!
The Fear
16/08/2008 08:49:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Newcastle United Articles

'Same Old, Same Old`- Newcastle Fans React to Selection Snub

Jonjo Shelvey must be wondering what he needs to get a recall to the England squad.

'Crazy' - Fans Shocked Newcastle Star Hasn`t Been Picked

I think most fans were surprised to see our captain`s omission from the England squad yesterday

'Bargain` - Fans Debate Newcastle Spending £15m

The Mirror believe that Chelsea will hold out for £15m for their winger Kenedy in the summer.

'Finally` - Fans Happy After Striker Makes Newcastle Squad

The wait for Islam Slimani`s debut has been a long one to say the least.

Newcastle United Archived Articles

TOTT articles from

Site Journalists

Editor email

Current Poll (see more polls)

Southampton MotM
Suggested By: Site Staff
Sub - Joselu0%
Sub - Atsu1%
Sub - Merino1%
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites
Write for Vital Football
Latest F1 News
Latest Vital Boxing News
The Vital Football Members League

Recent Newcastle United Results (view all)

Newcastle United Fixtures

Vital Members League Table

6.The Pyrry20
10.Harry's Boy12
Vital Football Comment